Adrian told me today, "You look better. Not that you looked bad before." It's true. I feel so much better about everything.
The black veil is lifting and light is rushing in. Thank you Earth for your guidance! I just needed to get out of my head for a day and just encompass myself in something profound and natural. I needed to stack rocks and challange myself with a long, rigorous hike. I needed old friends. I needed the redwoods and the ocean. I needed those deer, the whales, the snakes, the quail, the stink bugs, the tipi. And I really needed that river crossing... without that river crossing I wouldn't have realized just how over cutting I truly am.
Strangely, it seems I can only gain this kind of clarity and perspective during times of someone else's tragedy. It started with Sean and Andrea's break-up, but that wasn't quite enough to snap me out of it (and by 'it' I mean the wirlwind of black energy that I've been letting consume me for the past 6 months). Then Karina's friend... the Yang to the Yin of the weekend. That was enough.
I just need to remember these thoughts somehow. Maybe I can just appreciate it in the abstract. In a bird's wing or a breeze.. or something.
Now I need to figure out how to forgive the SpiritStomper. I think it's time I stop wasting so much engery on him.
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