I just turned down the light really dimly on my computer screen. My current atmosphere and mind set do not call for bright lights. That would be painful at this point. Cat Power seeping in from the living room, a single candle burning in here... Karina laying still and sleepy in my bed.
We just made the love.
My brother left about 2 hours ago, only to have his flight canceled. He gets a free hotel room for the night though, and he said he might invite Taren to stay. But I think Taren is going to be asleep. Poor girl was vomiting all over Delores Park today. Too much alcohol, not enough H to the O. There's a lesson learned somewhere in there for her, so that's good..? Don't drink 30 beers in one day, even if they are all free.
Her and Sean were kind of precious this weekend. Frockling around in an innocent swirl of giggles and kisses. It was interesting to see my brother with someone other than Andrea. He's still a bleeding wound, dripping invisible blood footprints behind him as he walks forward in a strange and new life without her.
I've been there, and I don't ever want to have to start life over like that again. Change is good, but not when I had to rebuild my entire world b/c in an instant it was turned completely upside down by someone everyone hated but I loved more than will ever make sense to me. I will say, I've rebuilt it pretty well. And I've learned a lot. I will never let someone hurt me like that again, that's for sure. I'm sure Sean feels the same way.
What happened to me is not my fault. What happened to me is not my fault.
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