decisions

I've kind of been productive today. I'm trying to study, but it's difficult, like always. I'm tripping out on a lot things right now. I feel like I'm good. I'm fine. I've made a lot of decisions that have led me to be in a much better environment than I was in in OC, and I'm proud of that. A lot of people will stay in chaos b/c that's all they know. I'm glad I'm not one of those people. Granted, I've essentially decided to move to SF to become an alcoholic and a stoner, and to fuck women. But my life is seeped in meaning. I'm studying to become a person who helps people for a living, I work with Zane now. I'm fucking someone that I actually care about. Maybe soon I'll decided to not be an alcoholic haha. I've already decided not to do one self-destructive thing recently, it makes sense that more good decisions might follow.

Thinking of the past and thinking of myself and how I was in past friendships and relationships trips me out. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember why I've decided to leave certain parts of myself in the past. Then I'll have moments of clarity and I'll realize it's all to become my maxium potential. I don't need to feel like I was a bad person b/c I've never been a bad person, really. I've learned and I've grown. That's it.

And the sadness within me right now is okay too. It'll remind me of what I want, it will keep me grounded and realistic. It's okay that I don't feel completely satisfied with my life and that I crave more and need more. I'll get to where I wanna be, one step at a time.

First step: neurolingusitics.