I can't control time. I'm not in the now. I'm in the past, I'm in the future, I'm astro-projecting into the cosmos, I'm scuba diving on land, I'm falling into the abyss. I need more Zen in my life. I should start practicing again. I should do it for myself. There was a time in my life, I was very in the now. I got there through pain. It makes sense to me that happiness would throw me out of balance... all these transitions I'm going through-- OC to SF, straight to queer, single to in a relationship, sad to happy. I feel like I need a coming out party or something... some kind of ritual/ceremony to represent all this change in my life.
I've decided that even though I'm scared of getting hurt, I want this. It feels too right to not see it through, to not give her my heart.
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