something clever

It's 1:45am and I'm wide awake. I feel bad for typing while Karina and Jen are trying to sleep, but I feel like I would just be laying in my bed going crazy, wishing I were writing down everything I'd be thinking... and thus prolonging the sleep process even further into the morning.

I long to hold you in my arms
you're right there
i should:
snatch you up and hold you tight
this could be the last night
that our hearts align like this
but i am:
drowning in my own thoughts
secretly, of course.
thinking about the men that i hate
like i always do before my period.
i've been hurt so deeply by them though.
thinking about joe and tati
doing what i want to be doing
and how safe it is to feel safe.
thinking about drifting away
slowly into the night
up holloway
to the moon.
thinking about not wanting to think at all
thinking about your fingers
inside my four, screaming pink walls
fuck me til i can't think about anything at all
til my mind is fuzzy
and I laugh- as I inevitably will.
is that how you'll remember me in 42 years
when you're happily committed?
and how will i remember you?
will i hate you every time I PMS?
how many women will I date after you?
and how many of them will hurt
just as deeply as those men have?